I present to you arguably the most reviled action figure in the entire Sigma 6 series (which is kinda like being the most reviled child molester or something; people hated
That there is Red friggin' Banshee.
Now, a robot what transforms into a motorcycle ain't a bad addition to the Cobra ranks, in theory. In this case, alas, the result was an awkward-looking robot and an even more awkward, comically out-of-scale, discouragingly delicate and unstable motorcycle. For proof, I will share with you a photo that single-handedly lends credibility to all the otherwise misguided, histrionic protests lobbied against Sigma 6:
I briefly had a Red Banshee figure, thanks to my pal TJ
. I'd have never possessed one otherwise, 'cause Hasbro inexplicably saw fit to charge the Commando price of $15 for a crappy figure that didn't even come with accessories.
I tried several times to make something of my Red Banshee, but I failed to find any inspiration in such an insipid toy, and so I traded him off to a fellow collector.
...and then Raptor at Sigma 6 Central
thought of a brilliant
goddamn use for the Red Banshee.
This here is Zartan, from the Real American Hero series of the 1980s:
Dig that green skiff. That's Zartan's "swamp skier."
Perhaps you can guess where this is going...
Ol' Raptor gave everyone the idea:
And Vanishing Point decided to see the project through:
Naturally, I hate these goddamn people.
Meanwhile, though, a new idea has occurred to me.
Elsewhere, I have said before that The Challenge of the Go-Bots
, while clearly irredeemably cheesy, was really not much (if any) cornier than its more celebrated sister show, The Transformers.
Indeed, for all my self-aggrandizing rants at PopMatters
and my self-indulgent toy photos here at Geek Creek
, my only lasting contribution to the internet might well be a bare-bones post at Wikipedia dedicated to Bernard Erhard
, the voice of Renegade leader Cy-Kill:
At the conclusion of one of those five-episode-long Challenge of the Go-Bots
epics, Cy-Kill watched in horror as his latest convoluted scheme fell apart around him, and rather than spouting off with the usual "I'll get you next time!" supervillain nonsense, he offered a rather subdued plea of, "I can't believe
this is happening."
Even at eight or nine years of age, I admired the voice actor's hilarious restraint, and those goof-ass Go-Bots have had a special place in my heart ever since.
Now, scale has always been an issue with Go-Bots and Transformers alike, both in their respective animated series and in their respective toylines. Cy-Kill, for example, towered over humans as if his alt-mode was a fuckin' aircraft carrier or something, when in reality a robot that doubled as a motorcycle would most likely stand no taller than your average human.
With all this in mind, I have decided to eventually procure a second Red Banshee figure, and to christen him Cy-Kill.
Thing is, though, I hate Red Banshee's alt-mode; that's a spectacularly crappy-ass motorcycle. And as that embarrassing photo above shows, it's a tiny
What I'll need to do, see, is commission one of my creative fellow geeks to paint my Red Banshee for me. You're probably thinking, "Sure! Red Banshee already boasts a close match to Cy-Kill's shade of red; just supplement it with some blue and white and you'll be set!"
I need someone to paint my Red Banshee black.
'Cause this here repaint was always my favorite version of Cy-Kill:
(I like to think of him as Type O Negative Cy-Kill.)
What I'd do is keep my Red Banshee in his robot mode, and for photos or dios, if I wanted him to be in motorcycle mode, I'd use this:
And why not? I already have two of 'em. And really, it's not an unreasonable facsimile of Cy-Kill's repainted alt-mode:
So. To recap, then:
Am I really hoping to procure the most hated figure from one of the most hated toylines of all time? For a second time, no less? Only to then pay someone to paint it for me? All so that I can claim that it's some other corny character from one of the most hated cartoon series of the 1980s?
I can't believe
this is happening.