That there is Red friggin' Banshee.
Now, a robot what transforms into a motorcycle ain't a bad addition to the Cobra ranks, in theory. In this case, alas, the result was an awkward-looking robot and an even more awkward, comically out-of-scale, discouragingly delicate and unstable motorcycle. For proof, I will share with you a photo that single-handedly lends credibility to all the otherwise misguided, histrionic protests lobbied against Sigma 6:
I briefly had a Red Banshee figure, thanks to my pal TJ. I'd have never possessed one otherwise, 'cause Hasbro inexplicably saw fit to charge the Commando price of $15 for a crappy figure that didn't even come with accessories.
I tried several times to make something of my Red Banshee, but I failed to find any inspiration in such an insipid toy, and so I traded him off to a fellow collector.
...and then Raptor at Sigma 6 Central thought of a brilliant goddamn use for the Red Banshee.
This here is Zartan, from the Real American Hero series of the 1980s:
Dig that green skiff. That's Zartan's "swamp skier."
Perhaps you can guess where this is going...
Ol' Raptor gave everyone the idea:
And Vanishing Point decided to see the project through:
Naturally, I hate these goddamn people.
Meanwhile, though, a new idea has occurred to me.
Elsewhere, I have said before that The Challenge of the Go-Bots, while clearly irredeemably cheesy, was really not much (if any) cornier than its more celebrated sister show, The Transformers. Indeed, for all my self-aggrandizing rants at PopMatters and my self-indulgent toy photos here at Geek Creek, my only lasting contribution to the internet might well be a bare-bones post at Wikipedia dedicated to Bernard Erhard, the voice of Renegade leader Cy-Kill:
At the conclusion of one of those five-episode-long Challenge of the Go-Bots epics, Cy-Kill watched in horror as his latest convoluted scheme fell apart around him, and rather than spouting off with the usual "I'll get you next time!" supervillain nonsense, he offered a rather subdued plea of, "I can't believe this is happening."
Even at eight or nine years of age, I admired the voice actor's hilarious restraint, and those goof-ass Go-Bots have had a special place in my heart ever since.
Now, scale has always been an issue with Go-Bots and Transformers alike, both in their respective animated series and in their respective toylines. Cy-Kill, for example, towered over humans as if his alt-mode was a fuckin' aircraft carrier or something, when in reality a robot that doubled as a motorcycle would most likely stand no taller than your average human.
With all this in mind, I have decided to eventually procure a second Red Banshee figure, and to christen him Cy-Kill.
Thing is, though, I hate Red Banshee's alt-mode; that's a spectacularly crappy-ass motorcycle. And as that embarrassing photo above shows, it's a tiny crappy-ass motorcycle.
What I'll need to do, see, is commission one of my creative fellow geeks to paint my Red Banshee for me. You're probably thinking, "Sure! Red Banshee already boasts a close match to Cy-Kill's shade of red; just supplement it with some blue and white and you'll be set!"
I need someone to paint my Red Banshee black.
'Cause this here repaint was always my favorite version of Cy-Kill:
(I like to think of him as Type O Negative Cy-Kill.)
What I'd do is keep my Red Banshee in his robot mode, and for photos or dios, if I wanted him to be in motorcycle mode, I'd use this:
And why not? I already have two of 'em. And really, it's not an unreasonable facsimile of Cy-Kill's repainted alt-mode:
So. To recap, then:
Am I really hoping to procure the most hated figure from one of the most hated toylines of all time? For a second time, no less? Only to then pay someone to paint it for me? All so that I can claim that it's some other corny character from one of the most hated cartoon series of the 1980s?
I can't believe this is happening.